urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox WeLcOmE tO mY wOrLd Nicole 2007-02-16T02:24:41Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:121917 2007-02-16T02:24:41Z 2007-02-16T02:24:41Z my heat is hurting urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:121023 2006-07-15T04:29:29Z 2006-07-15T04:29:29Z i could stare at pictures of my mom forever. sometimes i wonder if its real, or if im in a bad dream that just didnt end yet. its almost been a year. august 31, 2005... worst day of my life. and to think that a whole year has almost passed blows my mind. how could i live a whole year without her? <br />this past week i have had the whole house to myself..its been nice yet depressing at the same time. i dont like being alone. im not used to being alone. david is at the movies so i cant even talk to him on the phone. but hey.. theres a reason for it. i need to be alone i guess. as much as i want to keep my mind occupied, there has to come a moment where i sit down and think about the fact that my mom is really gone, and she isnt coming back. those times are not my favorite, infact i avoid being alone as much as possible so that i dont have any time to think. when it firt happened nights were the worst. i didnt want to go to bed cuz i knew that my mind would go there. <br />thinking back to 3 years ago when i graduated highschool, i never saw my future throwing me this one. i never imagined a tragic thing happening to me. back then the worst thing was trying to get over jarrett. wow how petty, and yet it was the end of the world at the time. live and learn. cant go back to the past but u can use it towards bettering ur future. forget the past, look forward to the future. <br /> i cant wait to get back to nasville. my church is real. the people are real. God is real, and the people im with when im there help me to keep my eyes focused on Him. God took my mom for a reason, and i dont want to question Him, i dont want to get depressed, and i dont want to have anymore anxiety. being in nahvhille helps me get rid of all that quicker. im sick of struggling. <br /> my heart will mend... but it wont ever be the same. it will grow in different ways, but yet it will always lack and will always mourn. <br />i praise God for the amount of years i got to spend with her and i praise Him for how i was raised. i praise God that my mom showed me the way to savation. in the long run that is the most important thing. no more tears tonight.... the bible says theres a time for mourning, but then theres a time to rejoice... and tonight i've done enough mourning. sleepy time she comes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:120417 2006-05-12T19:42:16Z 2006-05-12T19:42:16Z i made is through the school year of hell. not only did i make it through but i made it with a 4.0.... i made the deans list for the first time, all A's me? i never would have thought. i can honestly say that i worked my but off. after missing almost a month of school last semester when my mom died, i decided that for her i would try even harder to get the grades i knew she would want me to get. so when i saw the 4.0 i just started crying. she isnt here to be proud of me, but i know she is. and there are others that are very proud of me too. my dad of course, moira, tara, my frineds and well the whole family really is. but what meant a lot to me was that david was proud of me. its another way that i know he loves me. he is everything "love" should be.. according to the bible. when i was dating mike, he would get jealous and say something like "must be nice". but david is truly happy for me and soo proud. i love him soo much . <br />david helps me cope most of the time. im taking summer school and im more stressed then ever. i hate it with a passion and i cringe when i think about going back into class the next day. its a 3 week course, im taking 2 classes adn they are both 3 hours every single day. a weeks worth of homework every night, and a project due everyday. david has been by myside helping me non stop mos of the nights until 4am . i have never had a better boyfrined in my life. he is def. the one i want to be with forever. <br /> we talk about it quite often actually. we know that we will love eachother forever. the only things that tend to become a problem are our religious beliefs and culture. im afraid that he will want to move back to spain one day, and i dont want to do that. he is AG(assemblies of God) and i most definatly am not. my beliefs differ greatly. but there must be a way to get through all of that b/c he is worth any sacrifice i would have to make, unless it came to changes my religiuous beliefs in which case will never happen. there comes a point in life when you have to figure out wht the most important things are. and david is on the top of the list, but way before him, is God... if God isnt first, i will have nothing anyways. well i think i've rambled on here enough, im gonna go get a massage that david bought me a few weeks ago. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:120253 2006-04-12T19:39:38Z 2006-04-12T19:39:38Z sometimes i just want to crawl in a hole and die. this morning those were my exact thoughts. im standing at the mirror when my roomate says that she has nothing to wear and i said yea i dont either cuz none of my clothes fit me anymnore( which is true cuz i gaind 10 pounds) anyways she goes yeah i know exactly how you feel(she is very very skinny and knows it, and loves her body ) then she starts trying on all her skimpy little clothes and comes in front of me in the mirror and starts saying "omg look how fat i look in this dont i look fat, haha i look pregnant"....when she knew that i was having the worst morning trying to find atleast one outfit that fits me and that i feel comfortable in. that def. set my day. i feel like shit! i hate life sometimes, i really wanna just go to sleep and never wake up. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:119961 2006-04-08T20:29:13Z 2006-04-08T20:29:13Z i just really feel the need to express in writing whats on my mind....<br /> first of all im not like considering marriage or anything, but the subject does come up once in a while with david. we love each other and im not one to plan ahead or even commit! but i am 22 now and i feel like if im not sure if he is the one then why waste my time. we have been best friends for 3 years and dating for 4 month, but he is sooo different then any other guy i have ever been with. he is very special to me, im sooo in love with him but the whole marriage thing scares me, i think it may be because he is possibly the guy i have alwyas dreamed about, the love that i have always wanted. only problem is the goals and plans we both have for the future seem to be soo different. i am the type to stay in one place... he is the type to move allll around alll the time, his parents are missionaires and he is used to that life, and likes it, i however had a fit when me and my mom moved to port st lucie which is 1 hour from where i was raised. i always saw myself living in FL...he sees spain(which is where he is from) i know there is compromise but how can u compromise that type of thing. i know i shouldnt even be thinking about all this its not like we are even engaged.... i guess i just get scared about my future. you really never know what can happen in life. i know that i will cherish what we have now and i guess pray for the future. <br /> i miss my mom like crazy, my boyfriend is at work, all my frineds are at the baseball game, which i couldnt go to because of homework, i cant eat because im fat, the game im watching on tv sux.... i have nothing done so far, im depressed and cant stop thinking!!!!!!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:119589 2006-03-19T22:25:03Z 2006-03-19T22:25:03Z spring break is over! it went by so fast, its crazy ... saw my lil matty this week, he is getting so big oh my gosh it feels like just yesterday i was holding this new born baby rocking him to sleep. now hes 2 and crying out "dont go nikki" when i leave. ughhhh i miss him. he is really the only thing in fort laud i miss. im thinking about staying in lakeland this summer and doing summer school . maybe. david will be here, but i need to get my priorities straight.... i need to pray about what God wants me to do. who knows i could end up in nashville. ugh ok before i get all frusterated about what to do with my future im going to stop writing. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:119325 2006-01-25T03:11:46Z 2006-01-25T03:11:46Z no matter what happens, no matter what circumstances come in my life, i always have these moments of pure depression. like today... dont know why, i just am. ok so it makes a lil more sense to me now in the events that have recently happened in my life, but in the past....i've had days just like this, where all i wanna do is sit in my room and cry. what is my problems??? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:119151 2005-11-17T00:57:34Z 2005-11-17T00:57:34Z The things we did, the things we said<br />Keep coming back to me and make me smile again<br />You showed me how to face the truth<br />Everything that's good in me I owe to you <br /><br />Though the distance that's between us<br />Now may seem to be too far<br />It will never separate us<br />Deep inside I know you are <br /><br />Never gone, never far<br />In my heart is where you are<br />Always close, everyday<br />Every step along the way<br />Even though for now we've got to say goodbye<br />I know you will be forever in my life<br />Never gone <br /><br />I walk alone these empty streets<br />There is not a second you're not here with me<br />The love you gave, the grace you've shown<br />Will always give me strength and be my cornerstone <br /><br />Somehow you found a way<br />To see the best I have in me<br />As long as time goes on<br />I swear to you that you will be <br /><br />Never gone from me<br />If there's one thing I believe <br />I will see you somewhere down the road again <br /><br />Never gone, never far<br />In my heart is where you are<br />Always close, everyday<br />Every step along the way <br /><br />Never gone, never far<br />In my heart is where you are <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />*************<br />its been quite the year. last year my grandma died and i thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, until now that is, my mom is gone. i always thought that if anything ever happen to my mom i would kill myself or just go insane... well here i am actually doing ok. because of God. my mom died 2 months ago, and this will be my first thanksgiving without her . as the holidays come closer i feel the loss more and more. but i know that she is in such a better place, she is spending her first thanksgiving in heaven with our creator. sometimes i cant even believe im able to go day by day wihtout her here. but im here. i have to be here, i was left on earth for a reason, and my mom would want me to fullfill my purpose. each day passes and i still miss her, but i also realize that she is in the place that we all strive to get to one day. praise God if we make it, praise God if i make it. we live here on eath for a few years, sometimes 90 simetimes only 10... but in the end the only thing that is goin to matter is that u did everything you could here on eath to please God and do His will for your life. i cant wait till the day i get to see my mom again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:118839 2005-08-14T01:24:30Z 2005-08-14T01:24:30Z marlins fan screaming my life is taking so many turns in so many different directions... i find comfort in talking to people that 3 years ago i would have talked crap about. i grew up a christian and strived every once in a while to live the life of one. but i never really accomplished it. i started going to this church in nashville about 2 years ago, and ever since then its been even harder b/c they make me see what christians are suuposed to be, and that means giving up the life i live now. not that i am some kind of heaten that does all this bad stuff, but it does say not to be a luke warm christian, and that is def. what i have been my while life. i think is time to change that. im thinking of moving to nashville and going to either belmont or MTSU... all my frineds up there are soo enoucouraging, and push me to be better. where as my frineds at southeastern push me to party and drink and date all these loser guys. its not thier fault tho, i make my own choicse and it just so happens that i have had a ton of fun with all my frineds up at SEU. i love it there, but the problem with that is that i love it to much, one day i will graduate from there and where will i be? where will i be with God? is my career goals goin to be met or will i just slack off like i do now?? its time for me to start thinking more about the future nstead of the here and now. <br /> <br />mike left for texas the other day. i have to say being at southeastern today with him not there next to me was very weird. i will get use to it tho. he called me as he was leaving the state of FL. i guess a final goodbye... lol even tho we had a pretty nice goodbye last time i saw him. but even so i dont want a guy like him, he says that when he gets his contract signed (MLB) he is gonna come back for me and provide me with all the things i need, suprisingly enough he may just make it to the majors, but even more suprising i dont think im gonna wait around for him, even tho it has been my dream to marry a MLB player i dont think i can do it anymore. theres more important things in life then that. even tho it would be a dream come true , i dont think mike's the one. i wish i didnt love him as much as i do =/ i love him to death. but as i've said before i was all worth the ride, fights and all im glad i experienced a love like that. <br /> out of everyday we spent together in the course of our relationship, my favorite time was the night that we got back together after his screw up and i broke up wiht him. all we did was lay down and cuddle but i will never forget the way he looked at me that night, his eyes def. told his soul...i knew he was sorry , and scared that i wasnt goin to give him another chance. he told me all he had wanted to do since we broke up( for a week) was hold me in his arms, and when he finally did it felt so right at the time. def. a feeling and a night i will remember for the rest of my life. <br />but i know i will expereince better love and better nights =) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:118724 2005-08-12T16:28:59Z 2005-08-12T16:28:59Z OMG i serioulsy can not get enough of my lil matty!!! <br />he is beautiful.... <br />i never want to be away from him, i think im gonna steal him away!<br /><br /><br /><br />well im about to leave for college, fun stuff. all ths packing and unpacking yuck. january it's nashville here i come... wow i cant believe im gonna go through with it. 6 more months of hypocrasy at SEU....counting down the days, but i want to brng all my frineds with me!!!! <br /><br /><br />no more soccer =( kryssi hates me, blanco is commnin back as asst. coach , maybe i made the wrond desision??? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:118196 2005-07-20T01:37:14Z 2005-07-20T01:37:14Z Everybody’s talking<br />But they don’t say a thing<br />They look at me with sad eyes<br />But I don’t want the sympathy<br />Its cool you didn’t want me<br />Sometimes you can’t go back<br />But why’d you have to go and make a mess like that<br />Well I just have to say<br />Before I let go<br /><br />Have you ever been low?<br />Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?<br />When the truth came out<br />Were you the last to know?<br />Were you left out in the cold?<br />What you did was low<br /><br />No I don’t need your number<br />There’s nothing left to say<br />Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved<br />My friends are outside waiting<br />I’ve gotta go<br /><br /><br />What you did was low <br /><br />I walk out of this darkness<br />With no sense of regret<br />And I go with a clear conscience<br />We both know that you can’t say that<br />Here's to show<br />For all the time I loved you so…<br />So...<br /><br /><br />Cuz what you did was low urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:117954 2005-07-19T17:37:22Z 2005-07-19T17:37:22Z <marquee> I F****** HATE HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</marquee> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:117572 2005-07-14T20:00:16Z 2005-07-14T20:00:16Z <big> As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed<br />to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken<br />probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts<br />too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with<br />your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.<br />You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose<br />someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love<br />like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset<br />is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.</big> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:116924 2005-06-21T00:57:00Z 2005-06-21T00:57:00Z this is def. THE summer.... you know how there is that one summer that just changes your life? well im pretty sure this one is mine. things are becomming weird, very weird....seems like everything that i would never think would happen to me, is happeing to me. i've never wanted to be one of those ppl who scream drama, but lately im afraid thats exactly what i've become. i just wanna let out this big scream! its funny tho cuz with everything thats been happening all i really care about is losing weight ... LOL go figure nicole wanting to lose weight, what else is new. =D well anyways on a much brighter note, this weekend i will be goin to the see the marlins in tampa play the devil rays with my daddy... for fathers day a lil late but oh well...i also will be going through about 3,000 baseball cards some of which are worth some money yippie... lol <br /><br /><br /><br />::smiles:::: and reads: "u have this beauty thats amazing, liek u dotn have to try , like u live ur life like ur takin a picture and ur very photogenic." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:116502 2005-06-10T02:55:53Z 2005-06-10T02:55:53Z well since i have broken up with mike, 3 guys have asked me out. they are very sweet nice guys, but right now i have no interest in dating anyone. it kinda reminds me of when me and jarrett broke up. i didnt date anyone for a year lol yikes, i dont think that will happen again, and i didnt get serious with anyone again until mike.. and that def. wasnt planned. haha i remember when we first started dating my intentions were so0o completely different then what ended up. i was still kinda hung up on tommy, and i used mike to make tommy jealous lol then some how the kid just grew on me, i had never been pursued to that extent before. he wouldnt give up but at the same time gave me my space. <br />i think what really got me was when my grandma died, he was there for me and for that he will always be special to me. i will never forget halloween night when he dressed up as a nerd for me to try to make me feel better; and then when i didnt feel better he took me for a walk around the lake and let me cry on his shoulder. losing my grandma was the hardest thing i had ever gone through, and mike was there by my side all the nights that i was late for curfew b/c i couldnt stop crying enough to even go in my dorm room, he put up with a lot from me during that time, and he never once complained. and when i would run off to the baseball field at like 1 am , he knew exactly where to find me. through our whole relationship, he put up with so0o much from me.<br /> young love is an amazing thing , and it should never be looked down upon, even when it turns out that you either never really were in love, or u just arent in love anymore, its a great feeling to even get to experience. <br /> i miss mike.... but..... there is no going back, we are just meant to be frineds.bestfriends.<br /><br />~Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.~<br /><br /><br /><marquee> †*"for i know the plans i have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."*<br />-jeremiah 29:11</marquee> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:116346 2005-06-08T00:56:39Z 2005-06-08T00:56:39Z i figured out that long distance relationships can only work when you are in love, and me and mike were not in love. i may have cared about him in a way like i never have any other guy before, but im not in love with him. im pretty sure the same goes for him. last night we talked and to pretty much sum it all up, we broke up. i thought that if we didnt end up working out that i would just die. but that isnt the case, right now i am very much at peace with this desision... it took me a week to finally decide to end it. he felt the same way i did, only he was going to try harder to make it work i guess... i just dont have it in me to keep trying. 9 months of ups and downs, i guess it was all worth the ride, but im ready to be done with it. he will always be my bestfriend, that will never change. <br />i do miss him , already. this will take time, lots of time. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:115983 2005-06-07T02:35:31Z 2005-06-07T02:35:31Z what do you do when u want someone sooo bad, they are already urs..... and yet u just cant have them................. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:115925 2005-06-06T22:05:06Z 2005-06-06T22:05:06Z <table cellspacing="0" align="center"><tr><td style="font: bolder small-caps 14pt Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif; color: black; text-transform: capitalize; word-spacing: .3em; text-align: center; background: #D3CEF5; border-style: double; border-color: gray; padding: 5px; width: 350px;">Your Expression Number is 3</td></tr><tr><td style="font: 12pt Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif; color: black; text-transform: none; text-align: left; background: #E8E5FA; border-style: double; border-color: gray; padding: 5px; width: 350px;">A natural performer, your destiny lies in writing, speaking, acting, or teaching.<br />Imaginative and unique, you have a natural creative talent in the arts.<br />You're also a natural salesperson. You can easily sell your ideas and yourself.<br /><br />A total optimist, you are enthusiastic about life and living.<br />You are friendly and social - and people are taken by your charm.<br />Your role in life is to inspire, motivate, and raise others' spirits.<br /><br />At times, you can seem a bit superficial.<br />Sometimes you're a bit unfocused and too easygoing.<br />You're best off when you don't dwell on trivial matters, especially gossip.</td></tr></table><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourexpressionnumberquiz/">What's Your Expression Number?</a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />wow and 3 is my soccer #....... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:115485 2005-06-02T00:23:36Z 2005-06-02T00:23:36Z i miss him, i really truly friggin miss him!!!<br />i havent seen my baby in over 3 weeks. i knew having along distance relationship would be tough, but not this tough... this is the longest i have ever gone without seeing him. i thouht that i would be the strong one and not need to be with him every single day like we were in school. but im not , im the weak one that cant be without him.<br />yes he calls me a trillion times a day and i talk to him when i wake up when i go to bed and everywhere else in between... but im not liking this atall. sometimes i wonder why im doing it. <br />we've gone through so much and made it through together that i guess giving it a shot is worth it. but there are so many times when i just want to end it for the simple fact that i feel insecure not being with him everyday. i feel as if our relationship has at the same time had its ups and downs and am scared that this is going to be another down. is our relationship strong enough yet to last a long distance relationship. for 8 months we saw eachother every day, we faught a lot but for some reason our relationship always ended up stronger, no matter what has happend. this time its different, we get in a lil fight and we cant see eachother and make up atleast not yet, and over the phone is hard. i cant look in his eyes and kno what hes thinking, just like he says , he knows that when he looks in my eyes and sees me smile everything is going to be ok, but we cant do that over the phone... i need to go see him, hopefully this weekend. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:115364 2005-05-25T01:31:05Z 2005-05-25T01:31:05Z he drowns in hs dreams, an exquisite extreme i kno <br />hes as damned as he seems, more heaven then a heart could hold<br />and if i tried to save him, my whole world would cave in <br />just aint right, just aint right<br />oh and i dont know, i dont know what hes after<br />but hes so beautiful<br />such a beautiful diaster<br />if i could hold on, through the tears and the laughter<br />would it be beautiful, or just a beautiful diaster<br />hes magic and myth, as strong as what i believe<br />a tragedy with more damage then a soul should see<br />and do i try to change him, so hard not to blame him<br />hold on tight, hold on tight<br />im longing for love and the logical, but hes only happy hysterical<br />im waiting for some kind of miracle, waiting so long<br />hes soft to the touch, but frayed at the ends he breaks<br />hes never enough and still hes more then ican take urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:115073 2005-05-09T03:40:38Z 2005-05-09T03:40:38Z <table style="font-family: serif; color: black; font-size: 12pt;" width="350" align="center" border="0" cellspacing="8" cellpadding="5"> <tr><td align="center" bgcolor="#FF99CC"><br /><h3 style="margin: 0; border: 0;">The Keys to Your Heart</h3><br /></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FF9FD2"><br />You are attracted to obedience and warmth.</td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFA6D9"><br />In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.</td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFACDF"><br />You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.</td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFB3E6"><br />You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.</td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFB9EC"><br />Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.</td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFBFF2"><br />Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.</td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFC6F9"><br />You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.</td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFCCFF"><br />In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.</td></tr> </table><br /><br /><div align="center"><br /><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/">What Are The Keys To Your Heart?</a><br /></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:114709 2005-05-02T04:40:50Z 2005-05-02T04:40:50Z what you see's not what you get with you there's just no measurement<br />no way to tell whats real from what isnt there.<br />youe eyes they sparkled thats all changed into lies<br />that drop like acid rain you washed away the best of me <br />you dont care<br />you know you did it i'm gone<br />to find someone to live for in this world <br />theres no light at the end of the tunnle tonight <br />just a bridge that i gotta burn<br />you are wrong if you think you can walk right through my door<br />that is just so you comming back when i've finally moved on<br />im already gone sometimes shattered never open <br />nothing matters when your broken <br />that was me whenever i was with you<br />always ending always over back and forth like a roller coaster<br />i am breaking that habit today you kno you did it <br />theres nothing you can say <br />sorry doesnt cut it babe<br />take the hit and walk away cause im gone<br />dosnt matter what you do its what you did thats hurting you<br />all i need was the truth<br />now im gone what you sees not what you get urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:114548 2005-04-11T03:10:10Z 2005-04-11T03:10:10Z ted williams:played for the red sox in the 1940's he is considered to be one of the best hitters of all time and also the last one who hit .400<br /> johnny bench: catcher for the reds....best catcher of all time, bak in the 70's he played for the reds team that one bak to bak world series and their team was called the big red machine <br /> hank aaron: all time leader in home runs<br /> babe ruth is second <br /> barrry bonds is third<br /> pete rose :is the all time hits leader<br /> with ty cobb second<br /> nolan ryan: is the all time strike out leader<br /> nolan ryan has 5714 k's<br /> roger clemens has 4317<br /> and randy johnson has 4161 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:114178 2005-04-11T02:06:20Z 2005-04-11T02:06:20Z <table width="400" align="center" border="1" bordercolor="black" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2"> <tr><td bgcolor="#66CCFF" align="center"><br /><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style="color:black; font-size: 14pt;"><br /><b>You May Be a Bit Dependent ...</b></font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF"><br /><br /><center><br /><img src="http://www.quizdiva.net/disorder/marilyn-monroe.jpg"><br /></center><br /><br /><font color="#000000"><br /><br /><br />You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned.<br /><br />You need a lot of support in your life, at all times.<br /><br />It's difficult for you to survive on your own...<br /><br />And you don't reallly think you ever could.</font></td></tr></table><br /><br /><div align="center"><br /><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/personalitydisorderquiz/">What Personality Disorder Are You?</a><br /></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:xoxnicolexox:114022 2005-04-07T18:16:30Z 2005-04-07T18:16:30Z i dont kno what it is... <br />just when i think that he is out of my head, something comes up and there he is again, on my mind.. wanting to talk to him , even if its just as friends. <br />no matter what he does to me , no matter how he treats me, no matter how he lies.. i still miss him and i still care. jarrett was my first love and will always have a peice of my heart. im not in love with him anymore but i do love him as a person. im sure it has a lot to do with his family, the family that i can call my own still to this day, the family that invited me in thier home and i now live with. <br />what do i do? we got in this big fight and now we dont even talk anymore, im sure he doesnt even care. i dont want to lose his family, but i might just have to. i cant keep going on like this, thinking about him when he should be the last thouht on my mind. <br /><br />then theres my mike. weve had an amazing 2 months, even tho we have been on and off for about 7 months now, i think all in all the last few weeks have been the best. i just dont have a secure feeling about him right now. just when i think that things are going good and i have nothing to worry about he goes and does something to make me wonder. he says he cares about me but he has a shitty way of showing it sometimes. there are times when i feel that he cares, but then there are days like today when i just want to ask him what the hell he is thinking or feeling. all the guys left today for thier games in georgia, well he told me that he would be in capel but didnt go, then i thought oh maybe he will come by my room and say goodbye , but no never showed up... now its 2:00 and they are long gone im sure, so i never got a call to say goodbye or anything, what the hell is up with that???? does that sound liek a person that cares about me? seriuosly i need some advice, cuz i am so0o0o confused right now.... and my poor roomates are prolly sooo sick of hearing about me and mike, that is all that has gone on in this room for the past semester. if its not me and mike fighting and making up , its brooke and joel fighting and making up. geez!!!!<br />ughhhh i need advice.. maybe a guy can explain to me why mike acts like this????<br /><br /> also soccer, or a job.. ahhh!!!!!! i found out that we are not going to live off campus next semester so i dont HAVE to get a job.. it would be good to have one but soccer takes up all that time. i love soccer , its fun, keeps be active, i have played for years... but is it just time to give it up?? i dont even like my coach that much. i miss coach blanco!